Yeah so yesterday I ate too much chocolate. Let's see.
Chocolate chip muffin from whole foods, hefty portion of dark chocolate bar, chocolate covered something-or-others, trader joes peanut butter cups, dark chocolate covered grahams from starbucks. Uber decadent, all of 'em, and made me bounce off the walls. I was wondering what it was that was making me tap and stomp and bang and dash and run and chatter. Too much immersion in autism? A definite possibility. But no, I'd rather blame it on the cacao intake.
My computer is being attacked. I can't say much more, because you, dear reader, might be the attacker, or get a hardon at the prospect of me asserting such a guile and wish to give it a whirl.
*Goes to the kitchen to get some more of that blasted chocolate bar*
meta: hey, is this me being a typical woman? In the year 2009? Not being able to stop eating chocolate, and then blogging about it?
No. I am blogging for other reasons:
1. Putting off writing papers
2. Putting off ASL HW
3. Inspired by a glorious blogpliment I recieved upon waking up this morning via email from a modern-day scholar in resident of christ.
About that, honesty is all I've got. That, and a host of other useful / useless things. But I have been trying to cut away at the crap, i.e. dearth of honesty and mollassessizing parts of my life and thought processes recently, becuase honesty is just better. Except for when I steal shit. ha
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Thursday, 26 March 2009
expletive frustrated
Honestly, I don't get why people don't do what they say they will. It's simple. Don't be a flirt or a tease unless you're willing to go through with it. And I don't mean anything big, just some healthy snugglin. Geez Louise.
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
Why am I in what I'm in
I realized this weekend that I am not only in ultimate frisbee for the dance, but hockey too. I played hockey all freakin weeken, and the part that sticks out most in my mind, aside from perhaps scoring on a subpar goalie, was this one fancy-footwork bit on sunday at the btsh scrimmage at tompkins park, which this one girl on my mofo team called "tomskin" which the goalie of said team joked that she said 'foreskin park'. anyhow, A tall, quick athletic guy had the ball on the side and i was marking him , he was going to hit it into play. he kept faking me right and left, and i did that thing where my entire being is immersed in the play and i am putting forth all my energies to reading where he is going with the ball, reacting to each movement, and thus my eyes were on his feet, stick, and the ball (i have tried to focus on his center of gravity/waist/hips, but that flubs me up because then i dont knwo where the ball is going. besides, its safer to play ball than man here.)
anyways, I was shuffling and stutter stepping and juking all over the place all the while keeping myself (body, stick, and aura) as big and menacingly imposing as possible. i didnt pick off the pass, but that didnt matter, because i believe i had him challenged and scampering for an open lane. if just felt so satisfyingly exhausting to really be playing hard D like that.
yes, i am aware of my jargon use and beaming with pride inside that i am able to. if only here. but no, i use it in practice too. and i must. because learning to say "do you want in" instead of "do you want to play with us?" was a huge step, just like the michigan trip, the dormage, and the parental prenatal laparnassah honesty.
thats the dance. and in ultimate, same deal while marking. keeping a hard mark and good cover is so important, and a large part of the game that goes unnoticed and is not given enough attention. its about scoring, but not all about scoring. its about intimidation. and i want to own it.
blam. how wrong is it to accept being hit on by a married man?
anyways, I was shuffling and stutter stepping and juking all over the place all the while keeping myself (body, stick, and aura) as big and menacingly imposing as possible. i didnt pick off the pass, but that didnt matter, because i believe i had him challenged and scampering for an open lane. if just felt so satisfyingly exhausting to really be playing hard D like that.
yes, i am aware of my jargon use and beaming with pride inside that i am able to. if only here. but no, i use it in practice too. and i must. because learning to say "do you want in" instead of "do you want to play with us?" was a huge step, just like the michigan trip, the dormage, and the parental prenatal laparnassah honesty.
thats the dance. and in ultimate, same deal while marking. keeping a hard mark and good cover is so important, and a large part of the game that goes unnoticed and is not given enough attention. its about scoring, but not all about scoring. its about intimidation. and i want to own it.
blam. how wrong is it to accept being hit on by a married man?
tomboy
I am one. I looked it up on urbandic and I fit the bills.
So the wedding last night was as it will be.
I greeted, was greeted, was kissed on the cheek, was asked how I was, to which I replied "good, how about you?" instead of the expected "baruch hashem and you?" but my intentional folly was overlooked all of the time.
Funny/Awful thing: About College.
They ask me- what am i doing in college? how much longer do i have? what will i end up with when i finish?
And then some ask "oh, so they let you out of college to come to the chasunah?! Very nice, ..."
"so what, is it like a sleepaway camp/school, and you live there?"
And someone asked me if I'd be coming to BP for the shabbos sheva brachos. I replied with a vague "perhaps." I was met with a curious look. "what does "perhaps" mean?"
nuff sed.
Yes, I am writing off an entire sect of people based on the ignorance of a select few.
enter enter, enter enter, i keep pressing.
So the wedding last night was as it will be.
I greeted, was greeted, was kissed on the cheek, was asked how I was, to which I replied "good, how about you?" instead of the expected "baruch hashem and you?" but my intentional folly was overlooked all of the time.
Funny/Awful thing: About College.
They ask me- what am i doing in college? how much longer do i have? what will i end up with when i finish?
And then some ask "oh, so they let you out of college to come to the chasunah?! Very nice, ..."
"so what, is it like a sleepaway camp/school, and you live there?"
And someone asked me if I'd be coming to BP for the shabbos sheva brachos. I replied with a vague "perhaps." I was met with a curious look. "what does "perhaps" mean?"
nuff sed.
Yes, I am writing off an entire sect of people based on the ignorance of a select few.
enter enter, enter enter, i keep pressing.
Monday, 23 March 2009
a phew things
Weird and sticky social thing:
I stopped in a convenience store last night, really tired, just wanted a quick fix of sour cream and onion chips. I heard someone address me and greet me - it was this boy who grew up nearby me, one of the millions of Jewish metro-area boys that I am on a "hey whats up"/ smile basis with. We chitter chattered, and around the corner came the boy he was there with, a friend, in that crowd. This boy happens to be one of the half million that I have seen around since freshman year, but for whatever reason, we never interact or acknowledge each other. Yes, he is my age, a product of the same school system and community system that produced me, and yes we are both Jewish NYU students, but no we never, ever, make eye contact, and if we do, we do not smile or nod or anything. I tried to at the beginning, but I was met with deaf ears and blind eyes. It's ok, no skin off my back. But here we have a clash! I clearly was on a talking-basis with his friend, and we DO know who each other are, so we hastily nodded and smiled and said hey. Cool. Word. I'm still here and I'd vouch for the fact that so is he.
Ego Trip: Hockey. BTSH.
they all want me on their teams. granted, its crappy hockey and its bc im a girl and they dont have enough girls. but i could just be an ignored girl who sucks. instead, im a decent girl who they recruit. YESS!!!!
I signed. with Filthy Gorgeous. I have strange hangups about this whole thing. Who are these people, these expats of yore with rainbow sweatbands round their foreheads, the scrappy attitudes, the standoffish adoptive NY ambience threaded between the PBR's they brag of and tatted skinny-limbs that are somehow agile enough to pick off my every pass. more of this later.
PS any suggestions of consumable items that will give me a 2nd wind? I feel like I'm on my last legs right now and still must actively endure 2 classes and a family simcha. yea. chocolate?
no coffee please kthxbye.
I stopped in a convenience store last night, really tired, just wanted a quick fix of sour cream and onion chips. I heard someone address me and greet me - it was this boy who grew up nearby me, one of the millions of Jewish metro-area boys that I am on a "hey whats up"/ smile basis with. We chitter chattered, and around the corner came the boy he was there with, a friend, in that crowd. This boy happens to be one of the half million that I have seen around since freshman year, but for whatever reason, we never interact or acknowledge each other. Yes, he is my age, a product of the same school system and community system that produced me, and yes we are both Jewish NYU students, but no we never, ever, make eye contact, and if we do, we do not smile or nod or anything. I tried to at the beginning, but I was met with deaf ears and blind eyes. It's ok, no skin off my back. But here we have a clash! I clearly was on a talking-basis with his friend, and we DO know who each other are, so we hastily nodded and smiled and said hey. Cool. Word. I'm still here and I'd vouch for the fact that so is he.
Ego Trip: Hockey. BTSH.
they all want me on their teams. granted, its crappy hockey and its bc im a girl and they dont have enough girls. but i could just be an ignored girl who sucks. instead, im a decent girl who they recruit. YESS!!!!
I signed. with Filthy Gorgeous. I have strange hangups about this whole thing. Who are these people, these expats of yore with rainbow sweatbands round their foreheads, the scrappy attitudes, the standoffish adoptive NY ambience threaded between the PBR's they brag of and tatted skinny-limbs that are somehow agile enough to pick off my every pass. more of this later.
PS any suggestions of consumable items that will give me a 2nd wind? I feel like I'm on my last legs right now and still must actively endure 2 classes and a family simcha. yea. chocolate?
no coffee please kthxbye.
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Michigan
It's really good. That is the overwhelming truth. I had a bit of dabbling with my fraught emotions in, say, the first 24 hours of the trip but I think I'm settled now. Too bad I go back tomorrow. This is, as they say, a learning experience, I guess.
Things I've noticed:
There are lots of chocolate stores in this state. Stores that are fancy and sell chocolate in different varieties and wrapped in thick wax paper. And fudge.
Water slides: Driving in both the Detroit area and the Northern Mich area has allowed me to see many isolated water slides along the side of highways. You know, like tall, curly enclosed water slides that are in water parks...except these slides stand alone.
Flowers For algernon: remember that book? I do. I say that I have read it but really I have just read one emotional chapter from it, as in my 7th grade "Anthology" (textbook full of random bits of novels we had to read) there was one chapter assigned. It was a good book. Dont you think.
It is really different here. people smile at you, and me. they arent in such a rush, and they seem more genuine. they have each other's backs. The atmosphere is just overall more human/humane. You needn't be scared at every corner you turn. It's dark at night and light in the day. The nature is impeccable. It is just different. It's not a shithole.
It's ok to be a person here. Things remain still. There is open space.
i want to write at some point about the Lily, Rose, and Cinderblock joke, and how my first thoughts were about the positive functionalities of C-block as opposed to her obvious deficiencies.
more some other time. if you or i want.
Things I've noticed:
There are lots of chocolate stores in this state. Stores that are fancy and sell chocolate in different varieties and wrapped in thick wax paper. And fudge.
Water slides: Driving in both the Detroit area and the Northern Mich area has allowed me to see many isolated water slides along the side of highways. You know, like tall, curly enclosed water slides that are in water parks...except these slides stand alone.
Flowers For algernon: remember that book? I do. I say that I have read it but really I have just read one emotional chapter from it, as in my 7th grade "Anthology" (textbook full of random bits of novels we had to read) there was one chapter assigned. It was a good book. Dont you think.
It is really different here. people smile at you, and me. they arent in such a rush, and they seem more genuine. they have each other's backs. The atmosphere is just overall more human/humane. You needn't be scared at every corner you turn. It's dark at night and light in the day. The nature is impeccable. It is just different. It's not a shithole.
It's ok to be a person here. Things remain still. There is open space.
i want to write at some point about the Lily, Rose, and Cinderblock joke, and how my first thoughts were about the positive functionalities of C-block as opposed to her obvious deficiencies.
more some other time. if you or i want.
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