So much has gone on in the past 2 weeks. It feels fairly surreal. It is January 10 and I am finally going to be sleeping in a bed under a roof- something I haven't done since December 26. I am excited and relieved for this luxury of a dorm bed in a hostel. And not just any hostel! A hostel I had the most warm and fuzzy feeling from spending a weekend in a few weeks back in Takaka, a tiny hippie town in the upper left corner of the South Island.

I'll backtrack with some concrete details. I finished up 2 weeks of picking blueberries in the lovely and bucolic Windsong Orchard in Marlborough and got picked up by a new meditation friend, Mikey. We were both slated to volunteer in the kitchen at the Mix Festival, a New Year's yoga/creativity/consciousness/hippie gathering in a swath of grassy land alongside a frigid river at the edge of Kahurangi National Park. We slept in his van and endured the contrast of tense, time-sensitive kitchen work with the back and forth between sauna and river. As these things tend to go, friends and kindred relationships appear when I'm doing the least striving and hoping for them. Sucked into the whirlwind of my first ever festival and in the frequent presence of a strapping German I've become quite fond of, a little group of roughly 5-7 of us formed and spawned. A bit happenstance and borne of proximity- similar volunteer shifts, close tenting/campervan quarters, and a fresh likemindedness yielded connection that blossomed and ebbed. Then it was New Years eve and amid the fire poi spinners on a rectangle of sawdust I facilitated a group of us in a Teepee in a meditation. We wrote earnestly on collected rocks, tossed the in a stream, sat together in the cold night and listened to Jordan's song 'Already Broken' reverberating from my phone.

Hamish, a redneck kiwi farmboy who claims discomfiture with the openness and frivolity at this festival had a pivotal role. Through the week of the festival he hunted, hugged, slaughtered, and butchered 2 muttons (older sheep) from the nearby forest which was the meat that fed us. I've never been so close to this process and given that I'm a meat eater, I probably should. Hamish seemed to have a rough and cavalier exterior [the fact that he was blood-spattered and dripping with sweat as he wrestled the dead animal with his gleaming knives certainly informed my initial schema. He ended up being a soft-hearted feeler who felt like something of a kindred spirit, especially when I found out we were both born in 1988. He's a skilled back-cracker ("the butcher's touch") and slipped me a few quality pieces of chocolate throughout our kitchen shifts. True to form in this small country, I've already run into him in another city since we said our goodbyes a week ago.

Between the festival and my current perch atop a couch in this hostel with electricity, heating, and modern amenities, I spent 5 days out in the bush. It wasn't clear to me what would transpire following the festival. Would I keep hanging with Mikey in his campervan? Would some of our little 'festival family' do some tramping (backpacking) together? It was up in the air for longer than I'm usually comfortable with. I've been trying to embrace the not knowing and leaving things to be decided at the time itself- even more than than I've gotten into the habit of since moving to Portland. Sure enough, we (5 of us) decided the morning of to glom our plans together and head up the road to the closest carpark (parking lot of a trailhead) in the Kahurangi National Park in the Northern part of the South Island. We were advised that only a 4WD could handle the gravel road up to the carpark (kiwi term for parking lot) but heard otherwise from some seasoned outdoorsy festival-goers and decided to give it a go.

Cast of characters:

Julian: A really like-minded German who's been traveling for the past few years. Follows his heart and his stomach (orients around delicious and hearty food and meals, as well as authentic heart-sharing).

Nicole: A spirited and idealistic German from Austria who's in art school and knows herself very well. She's unfortunately been plagued with sickness for much of the festival but we've gotten closer from being campervan-neighbors even as she's been bedridden.

Mikey: A tender and sweet soul, also German, also knows himself very well. Perhaps the least brazen of the group. He has a deep love for splitting wood, is my age, and 5 months into his working holiday visa. We met from a backpackers facebook group a few weeks back and meditate together.

Zoe: The only kiwi of our group, she's in travel/exploring mode in her home country. A humble leader who knows a lot about plants, the backcountry, and checking in with oneself.

Me: The narrative voice here.

So we set off for a 2 day trip to climb Mount Arthur, a peak in Kahurangi national park that was relatively close to the festival we were at. On our first day we ran into a few hikers who advised us to take a detour to stop into a hut where there was a warden, and run our Mt. Arthur plans by her. We did, and learned of the dire weather forecast for the next few days. She helped us concoct an alternative plan and as we pored over the map and reconfigured our hut passes, part of my brain began to grip and cling to the plan we had devised over this new series of options based on whether huts were to be full, weather was to hold up, and other unknown factors. The first coincidence of the trip: Zoe and the warden recognized each other from a different hut in the forest years back. The warden had been on a longer solo journey and Zoe was on a family tramping (backpacking) trip. Armed with a new plan that was to last more than our initial 2-day planned jaunt, we plodded away from Salisbury hut and towards Balloon hut (in case you want to look them up).

 There were very few people in the bush that we ran into, but it seemed every time we ran into someone, we had a connection with them. Adrian crossed paths with us that afternoon and we got our first glimpse into an ineffable phenomenon characterized by a vibrant gleam of peace in the eyes and an open heart that shines through every interaction. Adrian had maybe 2 weeks of food in his pack and was planning to hike with Dan, a well-loved volunteer at the Mix Festival who was also in the same forest. Dan earned the affectionate moniker of 'poo-tenant Dan' as the steward of composting toilets and the mooncup station at the festival. We were giddy with excitement than Adrian knew Dan and that they had met in the backcountry one year ago. Dan was ahead of us on the trail and we hoped to run into him later.

At balloon hut we hung up our sweaty shirts and donned dry ones and tucked into what seemed to be ample supplies of food: 1 kg of cheese, 1 kg of peanut butter, 1 kg of hummus... little did we know what good rationing would have done us.

As I write this I think I'm getting some of the order wrong, because I know that early on we stopped at an iconic shelter under an enormous rock and sank carrots deep into our peanut butter kilo. So the details are now hazy; forgive this trip report.

The first night was spent at Dry Rock Shelter, where we cooked in a DOC (department of conservation) provided pot balanced precariously over an open fire. So precarious that it fell just as it was about ready, and quinoa and veggies spilled all over the dusty ashen ground. The first of Nicole's expertly dehydrated vegetables were not to be wasted though, and she painstakingly washed individual pieces of capsicum (kiwi term for bell pepper). The heroine we all deserve. Meanwhile we kept our heads up and cooked more quinoa from our 1 kg bag of it. That night was bitterly cold. I'd venture to say it was 35-40 degrees Farenheit with the wind and exposed air as we were simpy under a rock outcropping which sheltered us from rain but nothing else. This is wayyy colder than I prefer to backpack but there we were.

Julian took pride in his role of fire-tender and was up each morning gathering wood and getting a fire going. I don't want to underappreciate how nourishing it is to have someone always keeping the next fire in their mind. Nicole always kept the next cup of tea in her mind, Zoe always kept the big picture in mind, Mikey always kept the social fabric of the group in mind, and I [feel like all I always kept in mind was] myself and my own well being; physical, emotional.

The days are all blurring together as I think of them, but I'll see if I can suss out what happened next. After the first day the weather went downhill. We were already into a loop that moved us away from the original Mt. Arthur plan and towards the Cobb reservoir and Cobb valley. We spent the 2nd night in an actual hut called Myttons hut which was poorly insulated but a structure with a roof nonetheless- an upgrade from the shelter as it were. Fire was of utmost importance again as this day was the first of the frigid and soaking days that we walked through wind and rain with minimal visibility and maximal type-2 fun.

When backpacking in the cold, wind, and rain, without any epic view due to the conditions, it really becomes an internal mental situation for me. As Julian aptly described it later, there was a period of resistance and then an embracing. At some point I became resigned to the fact that my shoes and socks and clothes and backpack were drenched, and took solace in the fact that I was "out there in the bush," moving my body, had a fire and roof over my head to look forward to, and was with 4 other quality and earnest new friends. This was enough to fuel me.

In hindsight, a pack cover would have been a good thing to take with me. I thought a garbage bag could do the trick. I was wrong. In the end I opted for putting all my things in the garbage bag inside my backpack and let the backpack get wet while the stuff [sort of] stayed dry. If we had been staying in tents and not in huts with options to make fire, this trip would have been 100% miserable and quite different. We tried out hardest to avoid asphyxiation from the fires in the huts by evening and hung out all our wet gear, fiddling with its orientation to the fire every 20 minutes. Zoe read us bedtime stories and Julian cracked open chocolate bars. Nicole made tea and Mikey wrote in tiny handwriting in his notebook. I made concerted efforts to be a giver rather than a taker and put others in the group first. I see people being kind of selfless in many ways and though it feels foreign to me, I like to try to 'fake it till I make it' in this way.

Day 3 dawned and this was where we started to get antsy. We were all in each other's company and though we liked each other, our respective penchants and needs grew slightly more defined and rubbed up against each other in the microcosmic bottle we inhabited out there in the bush. We had barely ran into anyone else and reasoned that most trampers had left the forest due to the cold rain and wind. We were running low on food and had at least 2-3 more days until we could finish our loop and return to the carpark. So we devised the following foolhardy plan: Julian and Nicole hike up along the Cobb ridge and eventually reach Asbestos Cottage (funny name for a hut, eh), Mikey and Zoe hitchhike to town to get us more food and then hitch from town to a different trailhead that's a 2 hour walk from Asbestos Cottage. I opted for what was supposed to be an easier, mild walk along a dirt road to get to Asbestos Cottage. No part of me wanted to walk along an exposed ridge given the frigid spitting rain. We calculated the hiking times and thought we'd all be there around 2 pm. Zoe, Mikey and I headed out towards the road that I was going to walk and they were going to hitch from. After a half hour of walking, the first car went by. I ducked into the nearby bushes so the driver wouldn't be as deterred by 3 trampers than 2, and about 10 minutes of talking at the car window transpired. In the end, they only had room for 1 extra person so Zoe took the ride into town and assured us she would meet us at the hut later. I was all geared up for my solo day of hiking but quickly readjusted by frame of mind and was happy to be joined by Mikey.

A bit more walking along the road and we took the first right off the road and back into the spindly network of trails. According to my memory of the map, we had to take this right off the road, and then a left, and then we'd be at the hut. Straightforward. It was a steady uphill climb from the road and we were long since completely soaked. We talked about our families, the nature of the universe, emotions, god, traditions, social phenomena and relational dynamics, a bunch of juicy stuff. All the while keeping a keen eye out for our next turnoff. The first few signs we saw had names we didn't recognize, like "broken bridge." There was no broken bridge on the map. We carried on, letting our our deepest exhales and fists pumping the air when we saw "unmaintained track to Asbestos cottage" on a sign. I was alternating between using trekking poles and squeezing the poles in my armpit so I could warm my numb fingers. There were many instances of unclear signage, losing the trail, and backtracking. Visibility was limited and icy hail stung our faces. My wool shirt under my rain jacket was sticking to me from sweat and rain. We had somehow ended up walking along Cobb ridge, overlooking the reservoir. "This must be a beautiful area" I kept telling myself as I struggled to right myself against the wind. Too bad all we could see was gray, mist, and hair blowing in front of our eyes. I had a feeling the way we were walking wasn't right, and there were considerable elevation changes and slippery rocks we had to move carefully on in the rain. Not wanting to descend the entire exposed ridge only to have to retrace our steps, we stopped for a moment, took out my phone under Mikey's poncho, and looked at the map I had taken a picture of at the trailhead where we parked.

Egregious error here-- the map I had photographed was of the Mount Arthur area and we had already hiked out of that zone further north in the park, so I didn't even have a map of where we were. I felt my heartbeat quicken and my nervous system activate. My mind immediately went to the fact that I didn't know the '911' equivalent for NZ. Mikey checked his phone for his map photos and it promptly died. I turned off airplane mode and amazingly had service and was able to turn on my data and download a map of the area from the DOC website. What a relief. In the meanwhile, 10 days worth of email/messenger/whatsapp notifications flooded the screen. I swiped them away one by one and we figured out that yes- we had to backtrack, we were heading in the wrong direction. We made it back to the 'unmaintained track to Asbestos hut' sign, excited to at least have the word 'asbestos' on a sign. We took what seemed to be as unmaintained a track as possible and had several instances of reaching a clearing with many options, a trail that diminished, and a host of other unclear moments on the path. After some amount of time, a few slips and scrapes, more hail, a lot of treacherous and slippery rock, and considerable elevation change, we arrived at Asbestos cottage. What a feeling of uplift and elation! Mikey jumped up and down outside the windows as we heard voices inside and were certain they were our friends. We found the stooped door and barreled in...to find a woman we didn't know. She was not a fan of our boisterousness but the mood softened as we explained ourselves and she shared that she was on her way out of the hut. She was the first other person we saw all day and perhaps we forgot how to behave among strangers. Mikey hurt his knee on the last leg [ha] of our journey so he cozied up in his subpar sleeping bag on one of the rickety rocking chairs that housed pellets of rat poo and I kept on my sopping wet clothes as I hunted for any remotely dry firewood thicker than the twigs already stowed under an awning.

I felt a smugness that we had made it to the hut first as Nicole and Julian casually thought they would beat me (taking the "easy road"). It was 3:45 pm when we arrived. Not too long after, Susannah, a quirky solo-traveling middle aged woman came into the hut. There were 5 of us who were hoping to stay in the hut though only 2 of us were presently there. The hut was small and had 2 bunk beds, so now there would have to be 2 people sleeping on the floor. I didn't know the etiquette for 'reserving' a space in a first-come-first-serve hut but it seemed wholly uncool to assert that she couldn't stay there because "our friends are on their way." And good thing, because Mikey and I didn't have any firestarting source. Again, really unwise. Susannah had matches and we made a fire. After some lazing about warming ourselves in sleeping bags, meditating on a crinkly mattress, and reshifting our dripping clothes before the fire, we went for the final food we had- plain tortillas and some wilted spinach leaves. It was a dry wrap but it didn't matter. What an amazing mouthfeel to have food and be dry. I wondered what Nicole and Julian would think when they arrive at the hut and saw that it was me and Mikey, even though Mikey was supposed to have gone to town with Zoe. Inside I was so thankful things had transpired the way they had, because given all the challenges with routefinding I would not have wanted to make all those judgement calls on my own. Especially in the rough weather. I found strength from being in a duo with Mikey.

At last we heard voices and we all shared big smiles as our friends were at the door to the hut....but it was Zoe and Nicole! How did they get together, Zoe was supposed to be coming from town, and where was Julian?! By then it was close to 6 PM and we all had stories to tell. Zoe began to share how the ride she got dropped her off close to the Hangdog climbing campground where she ran into poo-tenant Dan. Even he had bailed on the tramping due to the weather. What were we still doing in the forest? She had to get another ride into town to the grocery store and felt rushed to make her way back to a trailhead since so few cars would be headed into the bush in the bad weather. Empty backpack now filled with provisions for us, she managed another ride towards a trailhead that could link up with the trail to Asbestos hut. As she walked along the road, another car passed her! It slowed, and out came...Nicole and Julian. This is where Nicole began to tell her story. She and Julian started out for the ridge and after giving it a valiant effort they decided that it was unwise to continue. They had trouble keeping their upright balance in the wind and Julian didn't have any rain gear. He thought about the dream Zoe had the previous night in which he died, and decided it was not the day to be a hero and pass over an exposed ridge in such conditions. So they backtracked and hiked up to the road, to take the same way I [supposedly] had. By the time they got to the road it had been about 3 hours and they were daydreaming hard of getting a ride into Takaka, meeting up with Mikey and Zoe (they didn't know it was only Zoe) and having a coffee in a warm cafe. So they wrote a note to me on a piece of cardboard, put it in a ziploc bag, and affixed it to the door of a hut they thought I would go to (?) They took the first ride they could towards Takaka and called out for the driver to slow down as they saw a neon orange figure making its way down the street. It was Zoe....on her way to the trailhead out of town. She had done the shopping. They got out of the car, shared stories of their respective travails thus far, and Julian decided to follow an intuition of his to meet his friend in town and come back the next night and join us at another hut. So Nicole, Zoe, and the backpack of food set out to hike 2 hours to Asbestos Cottage, which is where we had all met.

I was pretty dumbfounded that Julian had bailed in that way after his big-strong-man persona of hiking, but have come to find lots of respect for him following his truth. Plus he promised to bring us some more food the next night at Flora hut. Which would hopefully be our last night out there.

All the while, Susannah listened to our excitement and unexpected turns of the day. We traced what we thought our routes were with pruny index fingers on the large map on the wall, fed the fire thin twigs on the regular for hours, and ate with dirty hands and minimal bowls. In the end it was auspicious we had one less person that night in the hut. We moved mattresses next to each other to the 'living room' in front of the fire and let Susannah have the 'bedroom'. The 4 of us shared the 3 mattresses and Mikey tended the fire throughout the night, the selfless man that he is.

What a bunch of learning experiences. It's really true what they say--- there won't be flora or fauna here in NZ that will kill you like in other places. No bears, no poisonous snakes or harmful plants (hmm, really?) but the weather will do you in. Summer, winter, anytime. (It's supposed to be summertime here now.)

The next day we woke up to sunshine. What a miraculous treat. We sat and meditated together before beginning our day and took lots of breaks while hiking, one of which was to dip in a beautiful rocky swimming hole. We ate wraps with kumara and butternut squash hummus and finished off a chocolate bar. It felt like another plant from the days before.

After a chill day of about 4 hours walking we got to our final hut for the night. My knee was feeling it but we still threw the disc around for a while in celebration of the end being in sight. Julian met up with us freshly showered, boasting of his amenities of the previous night and doting on us with a fresh bar of chocolate and savory chips. Thank you Julian for joining the group again.