Hockey

I just got back from my last regular season hockey game in scrappier league. I am happy I played this season with this team because athough we lost every game, we improved and I got to be a part of timed, reffed games against good other teams and players. Granted, I get that in scrimmage and it is more fun, but still- hockey is hockey. My teammates are all super nice, and while our skill does not match that of the other teams like pete and kevin's teams, I still believe that we have good solid players. Solid, albeit scattered.

I think I might feel strongly about this game because it is the sole recreational activity that marks the end of the time I have here in the city before pesach, before i tread to yardley for another 5-dayer. I remember th 5 day yom tovs of yore, i remember them well. and honestly, i never thought i'd be a month shy of my 21st birthday, typing a blog naked in my dorm room, having broken free of the constraints set upon me by the world in which i was raised. I mean, (unsure as to who I am addressing, but yet) I dig Judaism. I teach the kiddies about it every sunday for the last 3 years. I tutor special needs kids for their bar mitzvahs. I do, and I do.

About hockey though, I feel like all these guys have my back. We may not be best of friends and all chum-chummy, but that might be because we live in different worlds, or are at different stages of life, or, and most likely, because I am a social dunce. Regardless, I do feel like they like me and respect me and my hockey playing, and always ask if I am ok if I fall down, which I like to have happen during these games so that the adrenaline rush keeps me from feeling any pain that may be there. (If pain is present, but not felt, is it still pain? Riddle me that.)
So they have my back, and they give me tips, but not in an overbearing condescending way, rather in a helpful useful way, because after all, my hockey knowledge can be measured by a geiger counter. And I don't feel [all that] stupid asking questions to the ones who know about hockey and play good. And they exist, and I am so unsure as to what our relationship is. Is there more camaraderie with the Jewish ones...because we're Jewish? Am I making that up? Am I creating crushes where there are none? Probably, that seems to be erupting in my head pretty often these days. It is hard to separate someone who is a pal and I look up to, especially in a sport, which I hold in such high regard, from being someone who I want to become closer with. I'm not even sure. I admire certain players and for that reason I want to fuck them. That's a joke.

I also want to go to a tournament. I consider myself to live by certain tenets with regards to hockey (and frisbee). Let's see if I can flesh em out academically:
1. If there is hockey to be played, I am there.
- no matter what time of day or night, if I am aware of a hockcey game/ scrimmage going on, I will get up and go there, and play, despite the other ersponsiblities or fatigues I may have.

2. Hmm. I don't know if there is a second one. They all kind of fall under the umbrella of the first. I mean I always need to tell myself to remember that even though I am tired, the greatest feeling ever that is pure purity and exhilaration comes from my sports, and as a human, this is what I am meant to be doing and it makes sense. It fits like a magnetic puzzle. Like a rubix pajamas.

3. Never show weakness. This one may not be so wise, but it has been how I've been playing. If I fall, don't exaggerate or complain, just get up and let the bruises/ blood speak for themselves. I'm not sure what I'm getting at here, but like, I'm ok, just way too complex for my own good.

eff that ess.